5 Years of Solitude Part 3

Part 3 May 3, 2023

here's some more, about how living in my 5 years of solitude, things just got even more "solitary."

it led to me "losing it," there, for a lil' bit.

"alarm" can do that to a person...!

i got a text from my local "healthcare provider today.

regarding the "controlled substance," i am on. i call it "medicine," from my doc, because that's what it is, and it has been prescribed to me for a very long time. successfully!

alas, once again, my attempts at a "normal life," aided by prescribed medication for the last 25 years, under observation (without incidents,) are being hindered by a new, "marginalizing" rule, created by bureaucrats, not doctors.

it feels like i was just provided with a little nudge, so i'm closer now, to the abyss, and can look even further down. Yay!

but then, in the grand scheme of the federal government, my situation doesn't matter one bit. they have been proving that to me, over the last few years, by putting me between a rock and a hard place, a lil' more every time a new "rule," or "guideline," comes along. it's worrying to think where this might, ultimately, be headed, for "mad ole me...!?"

i can report that it's extremely depressing, where i'm at, in the "be here now."

am tryin' to move on from it. it's very difficult. as there is no choice. they're allowed to "stick" me into whatever "Bracket" they want. they can "Call" me what they want, and "Define" me without caring who i am.

i resent that, strongly, as a human being, a person having to use "mental health care," and as a disabled person, as well as a citizen. that, of course, makes me unpopular.

which, in turn, takes us back to the subject of truth, and what happens when the truth is inconvenient. ironically, most truths turn out to be just that, for someone, somewhere...

so, let's revisit the subject of choice.

they make me feel choice-less, so i get angry.

now it's time to think and to create a choice.

objection, that is my choice.

after all, fortunately, i have that open to me.

sending a letter to my senator is taking on shape in my mind. it will be a job to write it. it needs to "hit the mark."

should not be a problem.

however, i have some other work to do first.

but, it's on my list, yes it is!

5 Years of Solitude May 28, 2023 Part 2

 

Part 2

The following day. Back to the issue of “truth,” which I referred to in part 1.

"He who dares not offend cannot be honest." (Thomas Paine)

I couldn’t agree more! Not to mention the pain one must endure, for simply experiencing stuff of any kind, strongly, and daring to voice one’s thoughts. It’s “naughty,” says my friend Sara jokingly on FB, where one has to be careful, these days, of humiliating “AI - Interference.” (AI = artificial intelligence)

I don’t sense much Intelligence in these machines who judge our voices, and words. Every time I come across the term “AI,” it sounds like braggin’ to me. It’s Not “AI,” it’s “AB!” (Artificial Bully)

Now, where I live, it’s not only about my written words. Instead, here, on a regular basis, I am forced to be witness to incredible suffering, stemmed from human behavior towards the most innocent creatures around, their animals, who give nothing but unconditional love, only to be left to die horrible deaths, in the end, when they get old, which breaks my heart a bit more each time, and I am expected to remain silent, to “keep the peace.”

Yet, I cannot, and thus, I find myself being the repeated “offender.”

There is a popular phrase, well used in our country:

“It’s none of your business!”

And it does not only refer to animals. It refers to children as well, or whatever else kind of cruel trespasses one is obliged to observe, and expected to say nothing...

It’s the number one rule, but I find such a mindset unacceptable, because I LOVE ALL, and I cannot bear to see what humans are capable of, without reacting to it. Know what I mean?

If you do, then you know about the kind of trouble this can get you into. Just like on FB……

Same goes for inter-human communication, or "relationships." There, one “must not” be open to the idea of changes, in the way things are done. Well, I prefer to talk about important stuff and, I want to, preferably, only have each of those “conversation sections” once, find the solution (based on mutual understanding, and open-minded intelligence), then move on. Period.

It could be so much better if we only would give “cutting the BS” a chance. It could save precious energy, to be used for better things, than repeated arguments, about arbitrary things, which are never resolved. What's wrong with that? Too simple? Is isolation the only answer? So far, that’s what it looks like.

Here's where my 5 years of solitude come in. Due to these " truths," which surround me everywhere, which are, individually, often about pride and, usually, "ego-based," the actual, natural truth, has been having a hard time, emerging, being noticed, and being accepted, or respected.

That's why I tend to live by the old Spanish proverb: "Mejor sola que mal acompanada." (Better alone than in bad company)

Mind you, I wouldn't use the word 'bad'. Rather something like, 'unhelpful'. The fashionable term, nowadays, is 'toxic'. Give that some thought... See ya!

(Need to state here that this, whatever it is, so far, is in no way intended to offend anyone! I hope y’all get that. I have no desire to be offensive, my intention doesn’t come from that dark corner. All I’m trying to do, is allow those of my friends, who have an interest, to read what I am thinking and feeling inside, about this lil’ world of mine. By no means, do I presume to give the implication that my thoughts, and written words are “genius,” or incredibly unique, or anything along these lines. Just tryin’ to practice what some may consider to be my “preachings,” by speaking openly.)

May 28, 2023

5 Years of Solitude

5 YEARS OF SOLITUDE (edited versions)

Part 1 (Of, hopefully, many more to come)

Let me tell y’all how it started. I mean the thing about those 5 years.

Earlier this morning (or whatever time it was), I found myself pondering about one of my daily posts, on FB, regarding the unfortunate but, unavoidable, side-effects of speaking one’s mind (i.e., the truth) which, of course, is one of those activities everybody on the planet has to do for themselves, and then see what happens. Shucks!

(I’m beginning to grin…)

Those activities, rather too often, turn out to be the ones least liked and, also, least appreciated.

(“Why, why, why…?” Like in that song on the Graceland album, by Paul Simon AND all the wonderful South African Musicians.)

Right, back to the subject at hand. I was talking about 5 solitary years (more or less so, thankfully not entirely), and how difficult it has been, during certain, extreme, periods, which kept rolling in and out, slowly, like long ‘n lazy morning waves, to keep it together.

What connects this to being truthful? Well, it has to do with where I live now. And, as a “stranger,” how the northern New Mexico “way of life” just makes me want to scream, at times. (I admit, I was warned, lol.)

FYI: I have lived in Northern New Mexico almost 26 years. But this far North, only since 5 years.

Entonces. This move North, among other things, has changed me. I don't go outside much anymore, and spend most of each day with my ruminations, about the creatures that surround me (my favorites), and the people (… somewhat less fav.) in this small, quite rural, town of Questa, NM, along Highway 522. Where we arrived one day, in May, 5 years ago, in dire need of reasonably priced accommodation, and free 'n natural space, for Billie ‘n me...

(Billie’s my ‘Comadrita Canina Cubana,’ from Matanzas, Cuba, the island, NOT the one in New Mexico! )

(from C.W. April 27, 2023)

how cheap is talk? 2023, originally written in 2013

 how cheap is talk?

they say that talk
is naught but cheap.
if true, could everyone afford
as much of it as they desired?
and chatter on devoid of care,
with neither rhyme nor reason?

or else, if our words
don’t mean a thing,
unless we put them into action.
thus, separating cheap from dear,
and talk from righteous deeds.
how can we ever freely speak
of our dreams, hopes and ideas?

would not the fear of failing
to fulfill anything spoken,
prevent most dialogue
from ever taking place
and what of those,
who’d be condemned by
past mistakes and human flaws,
to never-ending silence?
where would they stand?

in ancient times, before
we spoke in tongues galore,
what drove us to invent speech?
some men, one day, began to realize,
after returning from a myriad
of fatal bloody battles,
that there was hope, indeed,
of finding other means,
to settle feuds, and live!

since talking is what man now does 
in search of mutual understanding 

keeping in mind that words,

 as substitutes for deadly blows,

surely are "heaven-sent."

then how can talk,

with all its flaws,

be cheap, devoid of value?

                                

                     Corinne Wesley © 2013.                            

NOISE

Image by Misha Gordin "Prophecy" 1979

Noise

 

people play


musical chairs


to the sound


of the wind


they all chant


@ each other


simultaneously


please be


mindful of


the energy


that you


bring


into


"My Space"

PS:


food 4 thought


4 dinner


4 two


4 me'n u...


:| ...

The Tale

oh stranger

would you like to know

a little more about me

it’s alright

i don’t mind at all

as long as you

won’t try to change

the fact that who

you heard it from

was me

come closer now

there’s room for you

next to the fire by my side

i know so well the tiredness

that overcomes a rider 

after each long ride

this plate of food 

this glass of wine

they’re yours alone

to fill and empty

as you please

and while you eat

and drain your glass 

the moment's come

thus starts my tale

as gently as a morning breeze...  

(not done yet...)

Beyond the Bend at Year's End 2022

 

Beyond the Bend at Year's End

(a hopeful poem. hard to write.)

the future's not 4 us 2 know

the past refuses to let go

and in between there's us

way up that river

without a paddle 

more oft' than not

the thing that's our saving grace

right after turning 'round 

each new and unimaginable bend

are these big, wonderful smiles 

on all your beautiful, sweet faces

that makes it all alright...

:)

Corinne Wesley © 2022