Letter # 1

 Letter # 1

This idea came to me after reading my friend Janna's comment regarding her blind husband under yesterday's text.

OFFICIAL NOTICE FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF PHYSICAL OVERSIGHT

Eyeball Compliance Division

“Because no condition is permanent until it has been re-proven every ninety days.”

Dear Sir,

Our records indicate that you have been blind since birth. Before we can continue the services that allow you to live your life, however, we require updated proof that this condition has not resolved itself since our last assessment.

Please complete the enclosed forty-seven-page questionnaire, answering all questions fully and honestly. 

If you are unable to read the questionnaire, this may be relevant to your claim, although it will not excuse you from completing it.

Kindly indicate whether, during the last ninety days, you have:

- Grown a pair of surprise replacement eyes.

- Begun seeing clearly through determination, positive thinking, or improved paperwork.

- Experienced an unexpected recovery in the eyeball department.

- Considered becoming less blind in order to make our records easier to manage.

Please note that if you can make yourself a cup of tea

without help, answer a telephone, and find the bathroom in your own home, this may be taken as evidence that you no longer require assistance.

Further, if you are elderly, disabled, chronically ill, in pain, or trying very hard not to collapse under the weight of ordinary life, please remember that any appearance of coping may be used against you.

The fact that you have a caregiver, a therapist, a caseworker, medication, friends, a cane, a list, a calendar, a kettle, or a good dog may suggest that you are suspiciously close to being fine. 

If you do not return this form by the deadline, your services may be interrupted. If you do return it, we may require additional evidence, a second opinion, a fresh form, another assessment, and perhaps a signed affidavit from someone who has personally witnessed your continued lack of sight.

Please be advised that all therapy and caseworker time spent completing this paperwork will be counted as proof that you have received excellent care.

At the Department of Physical Oversight, we are dedicated to reducing anxiety, preserving dignity, and ensuring that no one receives help one day longer than absolutely necessary.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

The Eyeball Compliance Division