Can I Do That? (Write about my Agoraphobia) Let's see...

 

Can I Really Do That?

tomorrow morning, it'll be nine long days.

nine days, again, since i left my house.

i've been wanting to leave, so much,

on every one of those days.

but they were 'agoraphobia days.'

and, during these endless days, 

nobody, and nothing, goes anywhere.

although, each day, i wake up in the hope,

that today will be one of those days, 

where i'll be free. free to, finally, 

go where i wish to go,

and do what i have to do.

after all, i must take care of myself, right?

so i've lived with this for years now. 

never knowing what the next day brings,

if anything at all, including what i need,

on any given day, in order to survive.

can i be blamed if i curse that day, 

the one when my self-quarantine started.

because it was the last day,

where i woke up fearless,

 and with trust in my heart.

will there ever be another day like that?

and, lastly, will just one of you, 

ever, on any given day, 

come to see me, and tell me that,

 today, you do understand, 

 even if only a little and, that it's ok? 

and, that this will be a day, 

where i won't have to 

feel so left out...

Corinne Wesley, August 25. 2023

alone among others

 Alone Among Others 

behind me looking east

i see the mountains

 a busy river

running at their feet

and the high trees   

wherever my gaze 

happens to fall 

then there's birdsong

without which

i could not live

plus all the dogs from

 our neighborhood

they regularly come to visit

just one or two

or three or four

the time with them

is always filled with joy

the way it was

so long ago

when real living 

was part of life

with lovable people

all around me...

(alas, there's hardly any left of those,

in this my beautiful, but oh so sad

and tragic world.)

Corinne Wesley

8.19.2023

Translation of a German poem I wrote this summer.

image "Ego Eco" by  Bồ Đề Hiếu Ân

 

JUST A COMMENT ON AUGUST 1. IN 2023

this whole "donald," and GOP thing, is completely insane but, it's the "here and now." we are in a rather important moment of political history. next year's elections will be, either "the end," or some kind of "beginning," when THAT special day comes along. whatever could be defined as "middle ground, or "common sense," has all been "Go(e)bbeld" up, whenever we had a GOP President, over the last few decades. the occasional DEM Presidents were handed a mess so large, that no President, from whatever party, even through 8 years, could just FIX. but it was always our fault. we are, politically spoken, right at the edge of the proverbial cliff. as an immigrant, i fought to be able to live here. after many years, i became an American. sadly, what i see around me, is not the America i wanted to live in, when i came here. if the worst scenario should manifest itself, next year, you know the day, i fear that it will drive me away. apart from my vote, i cannot fight "the donald's troupes." if other people in this country manage to bring the monster back again, i could not bear it, or ignore it, much less join it. i live with growing concern. it's like having to fight an "invisible giant," of whom we don't know its size, or its capacity. we won't know until the day it counts. in the meantime, in my mind, i am aware that a percentage of the people who can, potentially, bring him back, are all around me. at the supermarket, etc. i don't know who they are. they don't know me. mind you, i probably do know some of them and say "Hi" to them down in the village. all i do know is, they can destroy what little good is left in this country, after Covid and one trump presidency, if there's enough of them. and they won't give anybody else, anyone who hasn't drunk the cool-aid, a second thought. NOW, that thought is sorta scary to me. i am a sensitive soul, although, in today's world, that's a "NoNo". over the last 3 years, i have started to avoid people, and places where they crowd together, more and more. used to be an open, friendly, social person. had to stop that, due to repeat experiences. there's only me to protect myself. so, all of this is very serious stuff, which can destroy us, directly and, generally, spoken. am i being too paranoid here!? cauz' i dunno anymore... somebody say something, please.

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Silence is Agreement

2023

😶

SILENCE IS AGREEMENT 

it may well be the case

that our little inner voice

when we're alone

somewhere and unheard

will admit to

our secret doubts

about the world's cruel wars

but what good

does that do

when all around us

the children are slaughtered

and the books 

are already

burning again?

Corinne Wesley, December 26. 2023

wer schweigt, stimmt zu

 

WER SCHWEIGT, STIMMT ZU

es mag sein

dass diese kleine

leise innere stimme

tief im stillen dunklen

ungehoert von anderen

deine zweifel an dingen 

zur sprache bringt

die vorher unumstoßbar waren

 nie zur debatte standen 

weil's eben schon immer so war

-

doch was nützen 

diese tonlosen zweifel 

wenn um uns herum

heute in dieser welt 

 fast alles am arsch ist 

und die besten bücher 

schon wieder

am brennen sind ?

(und nicht nur die bücher stehen in flammen...   :| )

Corinne Wesley August 1. 2023