Unheard Poem
Like a soldier on her watch-break
i lean against the wall "Casually"
i light a cigarette "Frantically"
i'm not Marine nor Army
not Navy either
I'm Bipolar and i got ptsd
and i'm lost in constant
combat with myself
the things that i have done to me
so Good - so Bad - so "Out There"
are mostly unforgettable,
Not easy to allow for
they make me sick - i make me sick
cold sweat that smells bad
inside my "frenzied" frozen mind
with racing heart
and something almost "rotten"
refusing to depart
once in a while i come upon
a little piece of peace
or something of its kind
in fleeting light, or fading darkness,
i grasp for what i cannot hope to find
i live in fear of many things
but most of all myself
what i might do next
to make it worse
because i must be
what i don't want to be
because, after all, it is the thing
that's most familiar to me...
(and what i want more than anything is to make myself forget IT all)
8/24/2015
copyright, corinne
(edited january 2, 2023)
