unheard poem

Unheard Poem

Like a soldier on her watch-break

i lean against the wall "Casually" 

i light a cigarette "Frantically"

i'm not Marine nor Army

not Navy either

I'm Bipolar and i got ptsd 

and i'm lost in constant

 combat with myself

the things that i have done to me

so Good - so Bad - so "Out There"

are mostly unforgettable, 

Not easy to allow for

they make me sick - i make me sick

cold sweat that smells bad

inside my "frenzied" frozen mind

with racing heart 

and something almost "rotten"

refusing to depart

once in a while i come upon

a little piece of peace

or something of its kind

in fleeting light, or fading darkness,

i grasp for what i cannot hope to find

i live in fear of many things

but most of all myself

what i might do next

to make it worse

because i must be

what i don't want to be

because, after all, it is the thing 

that's most familiar to me... 

(and what i want more than anything is to make myself forget IT all)

8/24/2015 

copyright, corinne 

(edited january 2, 2023)