Part 5 of “5 Years of Solitude”
May 14, 2023. (a Sunday and, not an easy day)
Writing about the “solitary lifestyle,” can be rather tricky. It gets personal and it’s complex.
Seeing as it has an upside section, and a downside section.
Both sides contain their worthwhile points. Having not made the effort of creating a list, to show which side is winning, I can’t say for sure but, there often seem to be more points on the upside of solitude. Finding one’s “peace of mind” seems easier alone, that being a big one, for example. At least for me.
So, why do I live alone? Well, mainly because it’s very hard to live along, or among, other, “normal,” people, when suffering from a bunch of “disorderly conditions,” completely involuntarily! 
Living on my own, prevents me from having to, constantly, “apologize,” “explain myself,” and live with “judgements” people come up with, lacking true understanding of what’s going on inside of “me.”
Living without all of this saves lots of energy. I don’t have much these days.
Also, I do enjoy the quiet. Especially on bad days. That’ll never change. It’s alright.
Accepting this has not been easy at all. Of course, one tries to deny it until the last moment.
Nevertheless, I am getting closer to what is called: “… embracing it.” What a relief. A burden to be unshouldered, one bit at a time. For me, it’s a slow and long process. I go through what I call my “phases,” each day. Often there are several things happening at the same time, which can be, is, tough.
So, a while ago, I found a way to escape and move to another “space.” I listen to audio books. Listening to a good story, read by the right person, takes me away, into the book. Away to the place, in England, for example, or Sweden, or wherever the story plays. I can see it in my mind. Leave the pain and trouble behind. Me. Alone.
One can’t just stop working on evolving, and advancing, despite a situation filled with “stuff “to trip you up.
LOL!
Finally, being the only one here, I think up stuff to make myself laugh, to feel intense joy, in little moments that pass by. I write. I watch the abundance of life around me. There’s plenty of critters of all kinds, and trees with new leaves, with busy, busy birds. My “jardinito” is taking shape and soon, there’ll be flowers. Like, Hollyhocks!
Aye! It’ll be grand!
(I shall take pictures of them, so I’m not the only one to see them. “Solitude” can be gotten around, here 'n there. Yay!)
Corinne Wesley
